My wife and I were walking the main drag of one of the nearby towns last week. Nice day, sun out, no agenda but to get some fresh air pumped into our lungs and clear our heads. The utter lack of enticing things to do post summer and beach weather while trying to keep distance from crowds has been a bit wearing, so the thinking was random wandering around was better than continuing to sit around, even outdoors in our yard where we’ve spent so much time the last several months we’re able to recognize and have named each individual squirrel and have begun to move on to the birds.
It was discomforting to see so many empty storefronts, many having housed businesses which had been there for quite a while, and then we came upon a mom and pop sporting goods store with a sidewalk display of assorted sneakers and banner announcing a “Retirement Sale”. That particular store had been there for as long as I can remember, and typically a thriving business would or could be sold, so that was not the likely scenario, with “Retirement Sale” a nicer alternative to “Going Out of Business Sale”. The former would garner well wishes as the proprietors prepare to ride off into the sunset or wherever else they might choose to go, but the latter would likely elicit a bunch of “so sorry” or “too bad” comments.
But whatever the case, it struck hard and my mind wandered off towards some weird thinking for a change, or more accurately, once again. I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for almost 40 years, long enough to warrant hanging ‘em up if I chose to do so. I have neither a storefront nor any tangible assets, so no sidewalk sales would be necessary, and in fact the only real asset is what’s left of my brain and what it can perhaps still do with random pieces of information buried in my massive piles of paper and computer files to generate income. Valuation of that is a problem, thus complicating my exit strategy which I’d been mulling the past few years with no clear plan yet.
I tried selling myself and my pile of crap a few years ago but got nothing upfront except the lure and idea of aligning with others to help carry the load and allow me to ease up, but that ended up being fool’s gold and I quit with no need to issue a refund. So whatever I had left, despite the PTSD incurred while suffering fools and bullshit, was going to be all mine…
If not enough brain or drive remain, maybe then a ”Retirement Sale” or “Going Out of Business Sale” would be in order. Can I sell all the paper without the computer files? Or the files must go too? Do they have any value without my brain making sense of it all? If not, I’d have to go as well which would be a bummer unless there’s a huge bounty, in which case I’d consider it. But if the files, with or without my brain attached, or my brain alone, have nominal or no value, then what?
Aside from hanging a sign around my neck with one of those sale options along with “Make an Offer” or “No Reasonable Offer Refused” boldly printed on it while seated under a makeshift tent along with my files and computer somewhere in midtown Manhattan, I just don’t know.
Or maybe I just go all out and make it a “Fire Sale” or “Liquidation Sale”, both undoubtedly more direct and dire, but once gain a matter of semantics with the same intent. And if that fails, fuck it…I’ll remove the sign, walk off a few paces since I’m not one for self-immolation or drowning, and either set it all ablaze or hose it all down, fuck the semantics. And thanks in advance, but no need for commentary and/or wishes….I’ll be good.